Seems like I forgot that I had a blog once again. I'm the worst person when it comes to these things. Let's see, time for a little update in the world of me! I've been doing so much better these days when it comes to mood. I am active doing things that I like, and hang out with people I like. I am really trying to find a balance between the people person that I am, and the "I-just-need-my-space" person that I need to be. Time alone, after all, is not a bad thing.
In fact, I've actually been working less, because I'm beginning to understand my own limits on how busy I should be and what's healthy for me. This last month, has been good. I'm very glad, for instance, that I'm not depressed or anything of the sort anymore. I wouldn't say the same about myself maybe a couple of months back. But now, is good.
I'm only struggling to be a good friend though, because of the recent development in my attitude how I spend my time, I feel almost guilty that I am not working as hard, and I can't relate as well anymore. It is also sometimes a little depressing to talk to some people cause I am beginning to see things a little differently. I guess that's why you have a variety of friends. But I'm beginning to feel a little stretched out by a friend, who isn't one to initiate things, so I feel like I'm always reaching out to them. I know things are rough, friend. I hope things get better.
Wednesday, April 08, 2015
Monday, March 09, 2015
You raise me up
I've seen worst days: where time ticks by slowly, and I can't see the end of the day. This was my state of mind, perhaps a month ago. I'm better now. I was stressed, depressed, and felt very much alone. I tried looking for things that would make me happy. I tried doing things that would satisfy me. Not many things held their appeal, nor my interests long enough to do anything for my "depression" (term used loosely here) long-term.
I did eventually get out of my rut. I took a friend's advice to heart and I have to say I'm pretty thankful. Although, I'm far from my very bubbly self I was 3 years ago, I think I have matured a little more. I've grown up a little, I would say. What's life if you've never experienced both the sweet and the salty...? No one enjoys the salty: the tears, the cries (loud or silent), nor the loneliness.
As much as I'd like to believe otherwise, somehow this quote always rings true: "Laugh and the world laughs with you. Weep and you weep alone." At first glance, this quote sounds a little depressing; why would anyone ever have to weep alone? But think again, how many times have you wept and you have been surrounded by people? It is normal for one to put up a strong front and say "Yeah, I'm fine..." when all you want to do is scream, "NO! I'm not fine! I'm not OK!". It is therefore, unsurprising, that when you do finally break down, no one knows about it. I'm not saying that people are to be blamed for not being there, but rather, because you are likely to face sadness alone, why not live happily? I'm sure everyone has experienced happy and unhappy days, make the most of the happy days, and let the unhappy ones fade away.
I try to be there for others when I can, but more often than not, I don't know when someone needs a friend. So friends, if you ever need someone to be there, I don't care whether it's for advice, for a lame joke, a cup of coffee/tea, or just for a listening ear, I am here. You know my cell number.
I did eventually get out of my rut. I took a friend's advice to heart and I have to say I'm pretty thankful. Although, I'm far from my very bubbly self I was 3 years ago, I think I have matured a little more. I've grown up a little, I would say. What's life if you've never experienced both the sweet and the salty...? No one enjoys the salty: the tears, the cries (loud or silent), nor the loneliness.
As much as I'd like to believe otherwise, somehow this quote always rings true: "Laugh and the world laughs with you. Weep and you weep alone." At first glance, this quote sounds a little depressing; why would anyone ever have to weep alone? But think again, how many times have you wept and you have been surrounded by people? It is normal for one to put up a strong front and say "Yeah, I'm fine..." when all you want to do is scream, "NO! I'm not fine! I'm not OK!". It is therefore, unsurprising, that when you do finally break down, no one knows about it. I'm not saying that people are to be blamed for not being there, but rather, because you are likely to face sadness alone, why not live happily? I'm sure everyone has experienced happy and unhappy days, make the most of the happy days, and let the unhappy ones fade away.
I try to be there for others when I can, but more often than not, I don't know when someone needs a friend. So friends, if you ever need someone to be there, I don't care whether it's for advice, for a lame joke, a cup of coffee/tea, or just for a listening ear, I am here. You know my cell number.
Sunday, February 08, 2015
When I act up
As I grow up, it becomes more apparent to me that I am becoming eerily similar to my mom, yet so very different at the same time. Perhaps it's something to do with how we all say we don't want to be exactly like how our parents were as we grow up. But undeniably, we turn out to be quite similar.
Come this August, I will have been in the States (minus a couple months here and there) for 7 years. And prior to that, my mom has been semi in and out of my life (not that I blame her), to be with my "dad". It's like I grew up (or at least for much for my adolescent years and young adult years) away from my mom. In the coming months, my mom has told me that she is going to come stay with me again. And my emergency alarm bells started going off.
Oh, I love my mom. I can't be more grateful and thankful for everything that my mom has done for me. She is someone I admire greatly for so many reasons, yet I also don't want to be exactly like her. But having spent so much time without a parental figure around in my life, means that I don't really know how to act when she is around. I am rebellious, short and incapable of being the sweet little girl I want to be.
I wish I was a better daughter. I wish I could control myself better.
Come this August, I will have been in the States (minus a couple months here and there) for 7 years. And prior to that, my mom has been semi in and out of my life (not that I blame her), to be with my "dad". It's like I grew up (or at least for much for my adolescent years and young adult years) away from my mom. In the coming months, my mom has told me that she is going to come stay with me again. And my emergency alarm bells started going off.
Oh, I love my mom. I can't be more grateful and thankful for everything that my mom has done for me. She is someone I admire greatly for so many reasons, yet I also don't want to be exactly like her. But having spent so much time without a parental figure around in my life, means that I don't really know how to act when she is around. I am rebellious, short and incapable of being the sweet little girl I want to be.
I wish I was a better daughter. I wish I could control myself better.
Tuesday, January 20, 2015
inspiration is a fleeting friend
I have once again hit a wall. I have not been inspired to write at all. I have to write, I know I have to, but I just haven't. I'm almost more willing to do more lab work than to write. I don't want to think, I don't want to ponder, I just want to do. Today, my boss made a comment that I would make a good tech, and I almost want to say, "yea, maybe I should reconsider my life goals..." However, a tech has no future, not really. But it's SOOOOO tempting. I'd have almost set hours, and actually earn more $$/hour than I do now. For some unknown reason, with only two days into the work week, I've already been at work for 21 hours. Remember, a "normal" work week, is 40 hours a week. Tomorrow, I forsee a 11+ hour day thanks to the many things I have to do. Yikes.
Tuesday, December 30, 2014
drabbles
I don't really have something that entirely motivates me. I do enough to maintain my status, but I don't believe that I go above and beyond. Maybe it's the time of the year/my life that just has my motivation at an all-time low, I feel like things will get better though. Not like they are bad right now, they are just not really awesome.
Side note, I realize I have an immense internal struggle. I'm not entirely sure if I've ever mentioned anything about love languages, it's actually something from a book about how one expresses heartfelt commitment to loved ones, actually to be more specific, I think it's for lovers. However, I find that similar principles apply in any relationship really. People are not all that different when wanting to express or receive love from anyone (loved ones, family, friends, etc)... So, I mentioned that there are 5: gifts, quality time, acts of service, words of affirmation, and physical touch. It's pretty obvious that no one trait is for everyone, most people are often gravitate towards a couple of them. I myself, am more of a gifts, acts of service and a physical touch person. However, I know that most people are not always keen on physical touch, so, that is my most under satisfied love language. I have mentioned before I like buying random somethings for people, hence the gift part makes sense. In addition, I like helping others, with whatever they need help with, a ride, some reagents in lab, anything really. But anyhow, the point of bringing this up is that, as one likes to express their care through these methods, they also like to receive such affection from others. I wonder sometimes, am I being a little too generous? I shan't go into the details of why I believe I'm too generous, but, perhaps having this little thought here will remind me to be a little selfish at times, instead of constantly thinking about others.
Side note, I realize I have an immense internal struggle. I'm not entirely sure if I've ever mentioned anything about love languages, it's actually something from a book about how one expresses heartfelt commitment to loved ones, actually to be more specific, I think it's for lovers. However, I find that similar principles apply in any relationship really. People are not all that different when wanting to express or receive love from anyone (loved ones, family, friends, etc)... So, I mentioned that there are 5: gifts, quality time, acts of service, words of affirmation, and physical touch. It's pretty obvious that no one trait is for everyone, most people are often gravitate towards a couple of them. I myself, am more of a gifts, acts of service and a physical touch person. However, I know that most people are not always keen on physical touch, so, that is my most under satisfied love language. I have mentioned before I like buying random somethings for people, hence the gift part makes sense. In addition, I like helping others, with whatever they need help with, a ride, some reagents in lab, anything really. But anyhow, the point of bringing this up is that, as one likes to express their care through these methods, they also like to receive such affection from others. I wonder sometimes, am I being a little too generous? I shan't go into the details of why I believe I'm too generous, but, perhaps having this little thought here will remind me to be a little selfish at times, instead of constantly thinking about others.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)